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Mind Your Manners
Making a Date with Etiquette
By Pam
Harvit
Dating
etiquette? You bet! Why? Have you ever sat behind a couple
at a theater (or any other public place) who were involved in a kiss so
passionate that you wanted to get a water hose to separate them? While attending a recent movie, I
witnessed a lady seated behind such a couple smack the back of their heads
and scream, “That is inappropriate behavior in public!” She was right, although I don’t quite
condone slapping as punishment for such behavior. Yet based upon mail I have
received, people are becoming increasingly bewildered about what is and is
not acceptable conduct when it comes to dating. This not only applies to first-time
singles, but also to those who are recently divorced or widowed and are
re-entering the dating world. With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, it is
an appropriate time to offer a few suggestions on this very subject.
Consider
the following; Holding hands or a
quick peck on the cheek is acceptable, but you may want to rethink any
contact beyond that while in public. (If someone whacks you on the back of
the head, then you have probably crossed the line between acceptable and
unacceptable.) Try to maintain eye contact with your date. Looking around
appears as if you are either not interested, or you are looking for something
(or someone) better. Avoid beginning each sentence with the word, “I.” If you
can’t talk about anything else but yourself, then chances are you’re a real
bore. Corollary to the rule above: Avoid monopolizing the conversation.
Contrary to popular beliefs, chivalry is not dead. Gentlemen, you will endear
yourself to your date if you open doors for her, pull her chair out when she
is being seated, open the car door, precede her in a crowd, follow her while
walking through a restaurant, and escort her on the outside of the sidewalk
(that is, the street side) to protect her from splashes. If you ask someone
on a date, then it is expected you will pay unless arrangements are discussed
beforehand. Arrive for your date on time. For those being picked up, be ready
on time. Don’t keep your date waiting. Doing so shows a lack of respect. If
you drink, don’t overindulge. When planning a date, always try to have a
back-up plan in mind just in case things go wrong, such as rain when you’ve
planned a picnic. Make an effort to dress well. Avoid talking about your ex,
especially on the first couple of dates. Call when you promise to call. If
your date has a curfew, then respect that time. Always go to the door to pick
up your date. Never pull up to the house and honk the horn. After a date, it
is a good idea for gentlemen to escort women to the door. Know your
boundaries. Try to compliment your date.
For
first dates - Plan a short meeting
for coffee, etc. That way, if it turns out to be tortuous, you won’t have to
endure it for long. Conversely, if the date appears to be going well, it can
always be extended. First impressions are very important! Studies indicate
that it takes as little as three seconds to develop an impression, and as
long as five years to change that opinion (good or bad). Make sure you are
making the best impression that you can. Ladies, for safety reasons, let
someone know who you will be with, and where you plan to go, just in case
things turn sour or there is an emergency. Avoid discussing religion,
politics or money. Also, avoid telling offensive jokes. Try to hold your
first date in a place where conversation can take place so that you can learn
about each other. Perhaps it would be better if you steer clear of a movie,
where conversation is prohibited, or a loud concert where conversation is
difficult. Avoid taking a first date to a party attended by your friends
only. This can be intimidating and uncomfortable for your date if he or she
does not know anyone and you know everyone. Call your date the next day to
tell them what a good time you had, perhaps opening the door for another
date. If you find you are not attracted to your date, don’t be unkind. You
can still have a good time. Just because you are not attracted to them does
not mean that you shouldn’t respect them. Teens should meet their date’s
parents or guardians. It is important that parents know who their children
will be with. Parents, remember, this is a very
uncomfortable time. Do not try to embarrass your son or daughter. Try to keep
the conversation light.
Follow these
rules and there may be a second date! Pam Harvit
is a certified corporate etiquette and protocol consultant. She is employed
by Merck and Co. and lives in
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